The Truth About Emotional Invalidation

Debra Arlyn Rose
3 min readNov 22, 2020

(Spoiler alert: We don’t deserve it, we can heal from it, and create a f*cking amazing life.)

🗣 WOMEN, I AM HEAR TO SAY — “YOU ARE NOT CRAZY!”

My work as a Coach is to sit with those who have been emotionally invalidated, abused, manipulated and neglected — and to really “see” them. To be that safe person who helps empower them to trust themselves and love themselves again. And support them as they leave toxic relationships and friendships behind!

As a woman who has experienced the aftermath of being emotionally invalidated and gaslighted…I have nothing but understanding and compassion for my precious clients who come to me struggling with these thoughts…

“Am I crazy?”

“Am I the problem?”

“There must be something wrong with me, right?”

“Is this happening because I deserve this?”

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⛔ Emotional Invalidation can feel like…

*Being more anxious and less confident than you used to be

*Wondering if you’re being too sensitive

*Always feeling like it’s your fault when things go wrong

*Apologizing frequently

*Justifying the person’s behavior who is invalidating you

*Suppressing your thoughts and feelings in order to “keep the peace”

*Walking on egg shells in your own home, never feeling “relaxed”

*Having increased difficulty in making even simple decisions

*Heightened negative self talk

*A lack of joy and hope — not able to fully enjoy the people, things or activities you once did

*Not being able to express healthy anger

*Lower energy levels — and sometimes even auto immune issues

*A desire to “numb out” and not be fully present in your own life

“If we take the steps necessary day by day to free ourselves of the people who seek to hold us down and question our own worth and sanity, we will one day look up and find a NEW community of loving, caring and emotionally validating people surrounding us ❤ ”

Healing and re-wiring from literally years upon years of being on the receiving end of toxic masculinity, emotional invalidation and even female friendships where the power dynamics were very skewed…was very lonely, confusing and painful.

But, as I came out on the other side…some very IMPORTANT TRUTHS were revealed to me:

The Truth is — those that seek to control us and emotionally manipulate and oppress us — are very insecure, small and ill people.

The Truth is — they most likely picked us because they saw our “Inner Light”, our Goodness and they wanted it — because they don’t know how to create it for themselves.

The Truth is — we were drawn to these people because we were conditioned to believe our worth was found in loving people who “need” us. We were taught to confuse Love with Pity.

The Truth is — we found ourselves in relationship dynamics where we were often treated like the “younger child” because we had yet to fully mature into our own version of adulthood.

The Truth is — we are powerful creatures who no longer have to live in a space where we are not celebrated, cared for and uplifted.

The Truth is — if we take the steps necessary day by day to free ourselves of the people who seek to hold us down and question our own worth and sanity…

… we will one day look up and find a NEW community of loving, caring and emotionally validating people surrounding us ❤

We will begin to walk through this world with confidence, vibrancy, self trust and SELF WORTH.

Today is the perfect day to CHOOSE to walk the path of SELF HEALING and SELF LOVE 🙏

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Debra Arlyn Rose

Spiritual Self Worth Coach & Award Winning Songstress who empowers heart centered women to trust their intuition and live their Soul purpose.